listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
