An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
