not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
