...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
