So drunk its hurt
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
