at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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