i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
