I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
