who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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