Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
