It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
