we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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