Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This is my life. Enjoy the view
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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