The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
pop tarts are not kleenex
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
