Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
