when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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