I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
