If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
