you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
