What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
