Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
