We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Randomize
