Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
