Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
