i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I love you.
Bad choice
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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