also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We are two peas in an std pod
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
