Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
