She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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