You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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