god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
