I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
