i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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