I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
