so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
