Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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