He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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