Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
