I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
