new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My feet surprised me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
