I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
