Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
this is an emotional support booty call
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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