I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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