I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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