dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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