im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
