i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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