My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
