There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
