not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
