dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
