I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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