I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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