You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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