New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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