Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
