i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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