My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
